Yokko

Yesterday started of so wonderfully. I have gained such a large friendship with Carro and thats really makes me happy. Also it is what I will need because I'm going to bitch and moan about the current source for my unhappiness a lot!

Still the thing is I want to keep the writing stile of my blog even though I'm writing in english; which is hard because I only retort to english when I have a serious monolog in my head about my life. I don't even know what to write here it just feels good to "talk" to someone. I will have a long nice conversation with Carro later 'cause I think she can relate better than anyone.

I'm just so messed up right now because of yesterdays happenings. It really did not turn out anything like it was supposed to; not for me anyway. I thought I didn't care anymore but that's harder to say when it's right in your face, literally. I really wan't it to happen' and I don't know if I want it or not; everyday I change my mind. It's just excruciating to have the same conversation with myself and the people I've grown to trust with this over and over again. They should be tired; well Jonas anyway, Carro will be soon.

It's not just complicated, it's fucked up when you think about it. What I want and everybody, you imagine, else wants. It just makes me mad. Now I will end this secretive paragraph which probably is pretty obvious anyway, but still - I needed to write. Depending on what happens next on different sides of the problem this blog might die for a while. Still who cares. I have one reader which is probably is a bug in the website so I'm just talking to myself, just like I would anyway.

Now I think I will be on my way to the bastion of AF and queue.

Damn, it could have been